Giant Robot Battles! Rabies Outbreaks! ...Jesus Was an Alien?

Gundam! Evangelion! Voltron! Pacific Rim! Robot Jox! GIANT ROBOT BATTLES! Ok, so most of those aren’t about giant robots piloted by humans, better knows as ‘mechs’, fighting one another, but they’re still associated and very cool. That being said, America recently challenged Japan to the first ever giant robot battle, and the results were about as cool as the first time you saw Robot Jox as a kid in the 90s. It wasn’t the greatest thing you’ve ever seen, but it was still cool, mostly due to the fact that you couldn’t believe this was actually happening in real life. Like watching a couple of hobos fight over a hotdog they found in the street. The US had an unfair advantage, as they came with two mechs. The first was instantly knocked on it’s ass in the first round, and was replaced for the following round with a much larger mech. After the second round was halted due to mech entanglement, the US mech was refitted with a new chainsaw arm, and the results were immensely destructive. While it wasn’t up to par with some of the great on-screen mech battles, thanks mostly in part to modern technology, and reality, it was still much cooler than a rabies outbreak. Speaking of rabies, did you know that rabies-related deaths are down over the past thirty years, with only twenty-three deaths due to rabies reported in just ten years? It’s more likely you’ll bump into someone that believes Jesus was an alien, than get a fatal case of the rabies. I’m not kidding. The Aetherius Society, established in 1955 by a London man named George King that began receiving telepathic transmissions, was founded on the premise that there are indeed extraterrestrial lifeforms and some have assimilated themselves on Earth as humans, such as Buddha, Confucius and yes, even Jesus fucking Christ. Honestly, it sounds crazy, but think about it - virgin mother, the north star, a manger, three wisemen, gold, frankincense...and myrrh(?). That sounds fishy as hell. But let’s say, for lack of really giving a shit, that it’s true. Jesus was not really a holy god baby that grew up to be one of the best long hair & beard combos of all time, but a fucking alien. From outer space. With Wookiees and Killer Klowns and shit. It may sound totally batshit, but a Nevada man was abducted in the past year while setting up a grill in his backyard, and abruptly found himself on an craft full of aliens he says began trying to convert him to Christianity. He claims they announced Christ’s second coming, handed him a bible-like object and returned him home. The bible was quickly confiscated by the US military days later. So what does this say about Christianity? Is it mind control from beyond the stars? Do these aliens have something against people enjoying Sunday mornings? What's the deal with the Pope?! I don’t know. I’m not an alien messiah. But I’m pretty sure that alien or human, Jesus is a cool dude, and probably wouldn’t hold it against you. Just don’t call him Xenu. He hates that shit.

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#rabiesoutbreaks #jesuswasanalien #giantrobotbattles #humour #funny